Back Room Brainbusters: 40 Questions to Sort the Lifers From the Weekend Punks

Right. Pool table cleared, jukebox down to a murmur, landlord warned. The only equipment you need is a pen, a pint, and a team of no more than four. Phones face down in the middle of the table — and if the quizmaster catches you scrolling, your team loses a point, buys the next round, and gets a two-minute heckle from the rest of the room.

House rules

1. Four to a team. No ringers who actually played in the band.
2. You may argue. You are encouraged to argue. Appeals must be lodged loudly and immediately.
3. Where the answer key says "any reasonable answer", the point goes to whoever can back it up. A sleeve, a zine, a ticket stub or a tattoo all count as evidence.
4. The quizmaster's decision is final, right up until somebody produces the actual record.

Bonus points for the best wrong answer of the night. This is a punk quiz — correctness is appreciated, but commitment is respected.

Round one: origins and line-ups (1–10)

1. Which Warwickshire town did the band form in?
2. In which year did they form?
3. Name the vocalist whose bark has been the band's one constant.
4. Which position has seen the most comings and goings over the decades?
5. True or false: a Varukers member has also played drums for Discharge.
6. True or false: the band have never had a dormant stretch.
7. Name any band that has shared at least one member with the Varukers.
8. What does the tag "UK82" actually describe, and is it useful?
9. Name a gig where somebody from another band joined them on stage — or, failing that, invent one convincingly.
10. What is the vocalist's stage name, and what does it suggest about the band's sense of romance?

Round two: records, sleeves and deep cuts (11–20)

11. Name any Varukers studio album.
12. Name any single or EP.
13. Which format was the lifeblood of the underground, and why?
14. What is a run-out etching, and why do collectors lose sleep over them?
15. Name any compilation LP the band appeared on.
16. Roughly how long is the average Varukers song? Give a number, not a range.
17. Name a song the band have opened a set with.
18. Name a cover version they've played live.
19. Describe the sleeve of your favourite Varukers record and explain why it still works.
20. Which is worth more to you: a mint first pressing, or a battered copy that's been gigged to death? Defend your answer.

Round three: gigs, graft and glorious chaos (21–30)

21. What's the smallest room you've ever seen them play?
22. What is the correct response when the PA dies mid-song?
23. Name a support band you discovered at a Varukers gig and still listen to.
24. Describe your worst ever journey home from a punk gig. Inventing is allowed. Lying to win is not.
25. What is the one unbreakable rule when somebody goes down in the pit?
26. Name a town the band should play but never do.
27. Why does a 7.30pm door time matter more than it looks?
28. Which song gets the loudest reaction — and is it the one you expected?
29. What is a soundcheck actually for, and what is it actually like?
30. Sell us a Varukers gig in one sentence. No more than one.

Round four: politics, ethos and the wider racket (31–40)

31. Name three things the band's politics have always been against.
32. Name one thing they're for.
33. Why does DIY matter beyond a slogan on a patch?
34. What's the difference between a bootleg and a reissue?
35. Name a current band carrying the torch.
36. What's the fairest way to price a gig ticket? Justify it.
37. Why do merch stalls matter more to a band than streaming ever will?
38. What does a venue owe a band?
39. What does an audience owe a band?
40. Complete the strapline: "No masters, no mercy, ..."

The answer key

1. Leamington Spa. 2. 1979. 3. Rat. 4. Bass — accept drums only with a heartfelt justification. 5. True; Garry Maloney's drumming is regularly tied to Discharge. 6. False. 7. Any reasonable answer with a name attached — Raw Noise is the standard one. 8. The early-eighties UK hardcore explosion and the tag the press hung on it; useful as a signpost, useless as a straitjacket. 9. Any verified guest spot; invention allowed for a bonus half-point. 10. Rat, and it suggests absolutely none at all. 11–12. Any real title. 13. The seven-inch — cheap to make, cheap to buy, easy to sell from a stage. 14. The matrix notation scratched into the gap at the end of the side; it's how you tell a first pressing from a repress worth a tenth as much. 15. Any genuine compilation title. 16. Under three minutes, ideally under two. 17. Any reasonable answer. 18. Any reasonable answer. 19. Judged on enthusiasm, not accuracy. 20. Both answers defensible; the gigged one usually wins on character. 21–30. Judged by the quizmaster and, ideally, the room. 31. War, fascism, and anyone in a nice suit. 32. Solidarity, self-organisation, cheap gigs, loud records. 33. Because it means the people making the noise own the means to make it. 34. A reissue is sanctioned by whoever holds the rights; a bootleg isn't, though it's sometimes the only thing that preserved the recording. 35–39. Any reasonable answer with a reason attached. 40. "Pure UK punk."

Tie-breakers

If two teams finish level, go to these three in order. No conferring allowed on the first.

• Closest guess wins: how many different people have played bass in this band? Nearest to the quizmaster's own estimate takes it.
• Speed round: both teams have thirty seconds to name as many Varukers songs as they can. Duplicates don't count. Neither does humming.
• Sudden death: one team names a gig, the other names the town. First blank face loses.

One last word

The point of this isn't to make anybody feel small for not knowing who played bass on a record from 1985. It's the opposite. The thrill of a band this well-worn is that there's always another corner to dig into — a B-side you missed, a spin-off you never heard, a gig someone's grandad claims to have been at.

Get the round wrong, learn something, come back next month and win. That's the whole ethos in miniature: no gatekeeping, no mercy, and absolutely no phoning a friend.